What is really Work/Life balance?
When I started my career, I thought it was very simple: respect working hours, don’t answer calls or messages outside of these hours, don’t think about work, and don’t do anything work-related during my personal time.
It took me many years to realise that not everything was truly black and white. This is what I’ve learnt over the years.
Working Hours
Making a clear distinction between working and personal hours has been a struggle for many people, and since remote working became common a few years ago, the problem has only worsened.
I believe that it is crucial to respect working hours. It’s so easy to stay a bit longer to squeeze in one more task—a last message or another attempt at that code that refuses to work. That adds up, and even if the plan was to spend two minutes, it’s usually 30 minutes or more.
Personally, I find it much harder when my daily routine is interrupted. For example, if I spend one hour at a doctor’s appointment during working hours, I will make that up in the afternoon. Somehow, my tendency is to overcompensate with something like two hours instead. It takes effort to be mindful of this and know when to stop, but it’s worth it.
Writing software is a marathon, not a sprint. We need to use our energy wisely, and working extra hours every day is not sustainable.
That said, there are exceptions.
When I work with people in other time zones, sometimes the best way to unblock progress is to stay a bit longer to chat with the other person. Occasionally, I’ve joined a meeting late in the afternoon to coordinate something urgent. As long as these situations are rare, I’m fine with them, as they save time overall.
Another reason to work beyond regular hours is during a production incident. It’s in everyone’s best interest to resolve issues as quickly as possible, and if I can help, that’s a valuable use of my time. However, production incidents should be infrequent; if they happen often, something is seriously wrong.
Finally, there’s the end of a project. As I mentioned earlier, projects are marathons, not sprints. But in every race, you give a little extra at the end to cross the finish line, and I think software projects follow the same pattern. Just to clarify, I don’t plan to stay late at the end of a project—I don’t think that’s right. I aim to leave early most days, but if a few extra hours at the end of a project will make the difference between shipping on time or not, I’m willing to do it.
Overall, the rule should be to leave on time, while being mindful of the exceptional cases that require flexibility from us.
Calls And Messages
It took me many years to realise how much it affected me to read work messages outside of working hours. The good news is that I finally understood (see what I did there? :P), and I don’t do that anymore.
I seldom share my phone number with colleagues, and when I do, I make it very clear when it’s appropriate to call me.
As for messaging apps, I don’t have any work-related ones on my phone. Slack is long gone, and I don’t configure my work email on my phone either. If people need to contact me, they will have to wait until the next working day.
What if there’s an incident? I configure the paging system to allow important notifications to reach me, so if it’s critical, I can be contacted by text message or a call.
What if you’re on the go and need to send some messages? If it’s that important, shouldn’t you have stayed? And if you can’t stay, can’t the message really wait a few hours?
This expectation that people should be reachable at any time arose with mobile phones. The assumption that you must reply immediately just because you have a phone is, in my view, flawed.
This applies to both professional and personal contexts. If you’re working, yes, you should be reachable. But if you’ve informed your team you’re at the doctor’s, you are at the doctor. If you are doing school pickup, do school pickup. Trust me, nobody will die if you can’t answer a message straight away.
Thinking About Work
Can you turn off your brain at will and stop thinking about things? I am no expert, but in my opinion, this is somewhat possible, although not entirely. There are a few meditation techniques that help clear the mind, and those who practice it (I’m not one of them) claim that it works, and I tend to believe them.
Sometimes I’ve been working on tough problems, and although I’m not actively thinking about work, the answer to the problem occasionally pops into my brain. It’s like having a lightweight background process doing the thinking. I don’t know if we can stop that, but so far, it hasn’t been an issue for me.
In my opinion, it becomes a problem when we’re actively thinking about work instead of focusing on other things. Are you fully spending time with your kids? Are you truly watching that movie? Are you genuinely listening to your partner? Are you thinking about work?
A few times, I’ve chosen to spend time on a problem because it’s so interesting that I’m genuinely having fun trying to solve it. I consider this a grey area. As long as this is rare, it’s probably fine, but be careful not to make it an unhealthy habit.
Try to find other activities that you enjoy just as much. There are many hobbies and pursuits out there, and some are also intellectually stimulating.
If you feel this is becoming an issue, I recommend practising meditation techniques that I mentioned before. If the problem is more serious, consider seeking professional advice.
Doing Work
Just like thinking about work, I suggest avoiding any work during personal time.
That said, it depends on what you’re calling work. Let’s consider these scenarios:
- Working on a new project that requires learning a programming language.
- Reading a technical book to understand a concept you can apply to your project.
- Learning to use tools relevant to your work.
- Developing soft skills to improve team interactions.
Although all these activities are directly applicable to your job, I don’t classify them as work. If you leave the company, the knowledge you’ve gained stays with you. These are about self-growth.
For good or bad, software development is a profession that requires continuous learning. New technologies and techniques emerge every year, and if we don’t keep learning, we fall behind.
I believe employers should ensure employees have time to learn new things because it benefits the company.
But it’s also in your best interest. So, will you avoid learning because you’re not given the time you think you deserve, or will you take control and invest in becoming the best version of yourself? The decision is yours.
Boundaries
If you can have a room dedicated solely to work and avoid entering it except to work, that’s ideal. However, if you’re like me and can’t afford that luxury, there are alternatives.
One thing that has significantly helped me is having my own personal laptop.
I enjoy technology, and even when I’m not working, I’m often doing something tech-related—whether it’s coding personal projects or writing an article for my blog. 😉
In many companies, you’re allowed to use your work laptop for personal tasks, so buying a separate device initially seems unnecessary. But eventually, I realised how valuable this separation is.
When I finally decided to get my own laptop I could immediately notice the difference. As I mentioned earlier, I had already suppressed work messages on my phone, but when I was at the laptop I was unable to resist the temptation to check for new messages, and reply to them. I was oblivious of the negative effect that this had on me, until I go the new devise.
Now, when I finish work, I shut down my work laptop. I don’t receive Slack or email notifications, and when I’m using my personal laptop, I’m not even tempted to check work messages because those apps aren’t configured. Once I decide to call it a day, I’m fully and completely disconnected.
This advise comes from personal experience. I enjoy of a more balanced life now, and I have more time to spend in whatever I want. This has helped me grow professionally, as I have more energy and time to spend in learning key new skills.
Maybe some of this advise may not work for you, but I strongly encourage you to really try them. If you do, please share your experience!
Cheers!
JM
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